Lost at Sea

21 Oct


(Lost on a raft out to sea)

Ralph:                                   Ok, we need to think about food, say for instance constructing a line to fish…

Skipper:                                As the captain, sworn protector of this crew, I vote we eat Ralph

Cooky:                                  Same, Ralph

Jed:                                        Ralph

Cabin Boy:                          I say, hey, why can’t we have fish AND ralph. Let’s not argue

Ralph:                                   No, let’s argue. I don’t want to get eaten

(Everyone moans)

Ralph:                                   What, what?

Jed:                                        Typical Ralph

Ralph:                                   I think that’s consistent with my character, yes

Cooky:                                  And you wonder why we want to eat you

Ralph:                                   Well, when we haven’t tried fishing yet…

Skipper:                                Look look, ok, nobody wants to eat anyone. It’s gross

Cabin Boy:                          Particularly ralph. He’s probably slimy

Skipper:                                But we have to eat someone, ok.

Ralph:                                   Why do we?

Jed:                                        Ralph, take one for the team

Ralph:                                   Doesn’t feel like a team, to be honest.

Skipper:                                Ralph, Christ, I’m not being rude

Ralph:                                   So far you have

Cooky:                                  Man, you are cranky when you’re hungry

Skipper:                                We’ve been very polite, besides trying to eat you

Ralph:                                   Not just today

Skipper:                                The whole trip, fine, apart from that we’ve bit our tongues AND your tongue, we get it, don’t even say it. The fact is, you were really only invited in case the…you know, eating someone thing came up

Ralph:                                   Me?

Skipper:                                Yeah

Ralph:                                   Not Pastry Jack?

(A man made out of bread is sitting on the raft)

Jack:                                      Hey, don’t bring me into this

Ralph:                                   Why are you here, you can’t even paddle!

Jack:                                      OH, I’M SORRY IF I MY HANDS GETTING SOGGY AND FALLING OFF DOESN’T WORRY YOU!

Skipper:                                That’s what I mean Ralph, you’re very judgmental. And ugly.

Ralph:                                   Look, there, a case of food!

Skipper:                                Don’t change the subject

(It floats by)

Ralph:                                   Well, it’s gone

Cabin Boy:                          It was probably for the best, I’ve got to be careful with my semi gluten intolerance

Jack:                                      Ralph knows about gluten intolerance.

Ralph:                                   I should have let that seagull eat you

(Begin zooming out, showing the expanse of ocean around them)

Skipper:                                Instead of trying to get us to eat it. So gross

Jed:                                        So gross. It could have had cold, anything

(Cooky opens a packet)

Cooky:                                  Anyone want a Jelly Baby?



3 Responses to “Lost at Sea”

  1. Manfree Olderman October 22, 2013 at 9:05 am #

    I remember back in 66, we had a simlar problem with a kid name: phillip. We where out there for what seemed like days, sandstorm battling on (windy day), then wham! was playing and i got hungery, phillip, went on about being an imaginary “friend” (some friend)… not even a finger, for seconds… until i was informed that reccess was over and i had to leave the play ground and go back to class. I personally hope hes dead, or in alot of pain, that barstard.

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