It seems a shame given the amount of American election coverage we have received that we will not to be voting. But then again, neither will most Americans. And in all baiting and debating between the Republican and Democrats, it’s easy to forget there is also 16 other candidates on that ballot (there could be more, or less; I made up the number. That fact I could, and had to, is telling. Or maybe it’s not. I’m funny, not witty)
So, let’s meet some of those candidates! It could be the first human contact they’ve had in a while.
Lewis Cass: A strong contender on paper; a former US Marshall for Ohio, a former governor of Michigan, indeed a former everything since his death in 1866. While some sake his lack of recent experience may hinder him, others are attracted to his unbiased neutral stance towards slavery. These people are pro-slavery.
Philieous Rockband: By running for president, he not only gets to choose his own name, but doesn’t need to think about who he’s gonna vote for. Nominee, United States Marijuana Party.
Jecob Kandy: You might recognise this fellow from the attempted assassination for 5 consecutive presidents, and one zookeeper who looked a little like some of them. Well, he’s back, and he won’t stop waving his gun around which (due to his strict court and psychiatric orders) he was not allowed to kill anybody with. Americans for American Americans
Wilhelm Goebbels: Nominee, Nazi Party. Doesn’t speak English. Which is fine, we’re not bigoted, we’re just not sure they’re meant to be here. In the presidential race, not the country. Although likely they can’t run anyway, if they’re not…look, I don’t want to assume they’re not born here. May have trouble getting many votes, Americans can be quite xenophobic. Especially the Jews.
Percival Norse: Horse. Might get the under 18 vote.