(Donna is in bed with her lover. There’s a noise down stairs)
Donna: It’s just the cat
Husband (from downstairs): Its not the cat
Donna: My husband! He’s never home early!
Husband (downstairs): I’ve been promoted, so I can work from home
Donna: Hmm, swings and roundabouts.
Husband: And that plastic surgery came through the mail, I look amazing!
Donna: Well, that settles it. Thank you Steven, your services are no longer required, he’s a much better catch
(they shake hands, as the Husband bursts in)
Donna: Darling, you’ve meet….your brother. This isn’t what it looks like
Husband: It looks like Steven’s tried to take advatage of you while you slept
Donna: ….it’s exactly what it looks like
Donna: Oh man up, he’s your little brother
Husband: With a gun
Donna: A little gun
Elderely Narrator: But old habits die in the wool, and soon Donna was off the wagon and back on the bandwagon.
(Donna is doing a sexy dance for her new lover, whose in bed. There’s a noise down stairs)
Donna: Shit! I’ve been sexy dancing for 7 hours you moron! Quick, get in the cupboard!
(he is still handcuffed to the bed)
Donna: Get under the bed then!
(he does, but his hand still sticks up the back. She puts a puppet on it)
(Husband burts into the room, passionelty kissing HIS lover)
(The husband freezes, but doesn’t turn)
Donna: Is that your secretary?
(Husband still hasn’t turned, and half whispers/wimpers)
Husband: If that’s my wife, tell her I’m out
Donna: Your damm right you’re out! Pack your clothes
(she throws open the clothes cupboard)
Donna: How could you do this to…
(in the cupboard is another of her lovers)
Donna: Oh. I forgot about him.
Cuboard Lover (shaken); I’ve been there for three days! Sharing an upright coffin with a skeleton!
Donna: Oh poop, I forgot about him too.
Secretery: I guess the moral is we all have our secrets, our skeletons in the closet, hey Denise.
Donna: Who’se Denise?
Husband: Oh crap.
Donna: How many lovers do you have?
Husband: How many do you?
Secretery: Does girls count?
Husband: Has EVERYONE here has slept with you Donna?!
Bed Lover: My hand’s raised, so you know.
Husband: Even the puppet, Donna
(the husband collapses on an armchair)
Elderly Narrator: And that’s the way it happened. I should know, I was there. Did you see me hidden in the frame. Look again. I’ll give you a clue; you can only see my penis.