The Perils of Pauline [Real Name: Donna]

16 Jan

(Donna is in bed with her lover. There’s a noise down stairs)

Donna: It’s just the cat

Husband  (from downstairs): Its not the cat

Donna: My husband!  He’s never home early!

Husband (downstairs): I’ve been promoted, so I can work from home

Donna: Hmm, swings and roundabouts.

Husband: And that plastic surgery came through the mail, I look amazing!

Donna: Well, that settles it. Thank you Steven, your services are no longer required, he’s a much better catch

(they shake hands, as the Husband bursts in)

Donna: Darling, you’ve meet….your brother. This isn’t what it looks like

Husband: It looks like Steven’s tried to take advatage of you while you slept

Donna: ….it’s exactly what it looks like

Husband:: Eh?

Donna: Oh man up, he’s your little brother

Husband: With a gun

Donna: A little gun

Elderely Narrator: But old habits die in the wool, and soon Donna was off the wagon and back on the bandwagon.

(Donna is doing a sexy dance for her new lover, whose in bed. There’s a noise down stairs)

Donna: Shit! I’ve been sexy dancing for 7 hours you moron! Quick, get in the cupboard!

(he is still handcuffed to the bed)

Donna: Get under the bed then!

(he does, but his hand still sticks up the back. She puts a puppet on it)

(Husband burts into the room, passionelty kissing HIS lover)

Donna: Kurt?

(The husband freezes, but doesn’t turn)

Donna: Is that your secretary?

(Husband still hasn’t turned, and half whispers/wimpers)

Husband: If that’s my wife, tell her I’m out

Donna: Your damm right you’re out! Pack your clothes

(she throws open the clothes cupboard)

Donna: How could you do this to…

(in the cupboard is another of her lovers)

Donna: Oh. I forgot about him.

Cuboard Lover (shaken); I’ve been there for three days! Sharing an upright coffin with a skeleton!

Donna: Oh poop, I forgot about him too.

Secretery: I guess the moral is we all have our secrets, our skeletons in the closet, hey Denise.

Donna: Who’se Denise?

Husband: Oh crap.

Donna: How many lovers do you have?

Husband: How many do you?

Secretery: Does girls count?

Husband: Has EVERYONE here has slept with you Donna?!

Bed Lover: My hand’s raised, so you know.

Husband: Even the puppet, Donna

(the husband collapses on an armchair)

Armchair: Ouch

Elderly Narrator: And that’s the way it happened. I should know, I was there. Did you see me hidden in the frame. Look again. I’ll give you a clue; you can only see my penis.

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