Adam: Ok folks, this is our suicide sketch. We don’t wish to upset everyone, so if you or a member of your family has a history of depression…maybe this will cheer you up. No one likes a grumpy-bum. Liked by nobody.
(A noose is descended)
Adam: This is a stunt noose, made by Rueben who was actually very enthusiastic when he found out I was doing this.
(Reuben comes on with chair)
Reuben: I wouldn’t miss the death of you of the life of me
Adam: Is that chair for me?
Reuben: Nah, I’m the spectator.
Adam: So what will I jump off?
Reuben: No-one said death scenes were easy. You could just get stabbed
Adam: But then I won’t be able to give my soliloquy
Reuben: I’ll get a knife….
Adam: No no, actually, this will do just fine, I’ll use a yellow pages (to audience) not to endorse yellow pages, you may use a thick free business dictionary of your choice. So….so I just slip this wrong my neck?
(Reuben is eating popcorn)
Reuben: Please do.
Adam: So…what’s the trick?
Reuben: It asphyxiates you’re…
Adam: No, so it won’t do that
Reuben: Umm…..just trust me, go on.
Adam: Trust you?
Reuben: Yeah, why not
Adam: I think why not is obvious.
Adam: Oh, you’re going to play that card?
Reuben: Yellow-bellied pussy chicken…
Adam: …That’s not a real animal…
Reuben: …scaredy cat pussy…
Adam: ….they’re the same animal…
Reuben: Bwark-nuff-yellt, that’s your sound
Adam: Ok FINE!
(He jumps off the yellow pages, the slack is too great and he just jumps to the floor.
Reuben: Damm! I’ll sort it out
(he goes off stage. Adam keeps tugging at the rope; it begins to cascade down, falling into a coil of the ground. The rope just keeps coming. Adam looks confused, until at the end a bag of concrete [pillow] falls on him)
(Rueben comes back)
Adam: Damm, missed it. Hmm. (calling) Hey Manfred, got something for you to try!