What’s that Noose? Live from sunny 11am….

6 Sep

(On stage)

Adam: Ok folks, this is our suicide sketch. We don’t wish to upset everyone, so if you or a member of your family has a history of depression…maybe this will cheer you up. No one likes a grumpy-bum. Liked by nobody.

(A noose is descended)

Adam: This is a stunt noose, made by Rueben who was actually very enthusiastic when he found out I was doing this.

(Reuben comes on with chair)

Reuben: I wouldn’t miss the death of you of the life of me

Adam: Is that chair for me?

Reuben: Nah, I’m the spectator.

Adam: So what will I jump off?

Reuben: No-one said death scenes were easy. You could just get stabbed

Adam: But then I won’t be able to give my soliloquy

Reuben: I’ll get a knife….

Adam: No no, actually, this will do just fine, I’ll use a yellow pages (to audience) not to endorse yellow pages, you may use a thick free business dictionary of your choice. So….so I just slip this wrong my neck?

(Reuben is eating popcorn)

Reuben: Please do.

Adam: So…what’s the trick?

Reuben: It asphyxiates you’re…

Adam: No, so it won’t do that

Reuben: Umm…..just trust me, go on.

Adam: Trust you?

Reuben: Yeah, why not

Adam: I think why not is obvious.

Reuben:….chicken

Adam: Oh, you’re going to play that card?

Reuben: Yellow-bellied pussy chicken…

Adam: …That’s not a real animal…

Reuben: …scaredy cat pussy…

Adam: ….they’re the same animal…

Reuben: Bwark-nuff-yellt, that’s your sound

Adam: Ok FINE!

(He jumps off the yellow pages, the slack is too great and he just jumps to the floor.

Reuben: Damm! I’ll sort it out

(he goes off stage. Adam keeps tugging at the rope; it begins to cascade down, falling into a coil of the ground. The rope just keeps coming. Adam looks confused, until at the end a bag of concrete [pillow] falls on him)

(Rueben comes back)

Adam: Damm, missed it. Hmm. (calling) Hey Manfred, got something for you to try!

End

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