The Time Traveller’s Neighbour

13 Jul

Harold went to the porch window and suspiciously peered past his gingham curtains
“Don’t you mean passed, dear’ his wife Lyn called from her knitting
“No I ruddy do not” Harold said with a huff “I mean I’m looking at the past, that ruddy boy next door has only gone and opened another ruddy wormhole”
“He’s 37, he’s no boy”
“He says he’s 37, he’s travelled about so often who knows? I don’t trust em”
“Trust who, Harold?”
“Em! Ose ruddy time travelling long-haired folk, with their….their time travelling, and yappy dog”
“You and I both know he’s the only time traveller you’ve met, and I like his dog, he fetches sticks”
“Don’t trust em”
“Oh Harold, he’s trustworthy, he was at the signing of the Magna Carta”
“Well, then I don’t trust that. How long have we been married?”
“38 suspicion filled years”
“But how do know? You could have just arrived yesterday, you could be a spy from him next door”
“ I shared your bed, any spy would have taken the suicide pill long ago”
“ I mean” Harold said, two eyes fixed across the cul-de-sac and opening a bag of store-brand Cheapzels with his feet. “I mean he could do anything. Chinese burn Lynden Johnson, rename an ocean, nude-portrait my great-grandmother….”
“Have you seen your great-grandmother?”
“No…..not recently! Your right, that’s very suspicious ”
“…brain the weight of a scone, and I’m married to it…”
“And! He stole my ruddy newspaper!”
Lyn sighed a weary sigh, the sigh of any woman in her 60’s whose husband has not for the first time accused their time-travelling neighbour of theft.
“I’m sure he’ll return it when he gets back in 20 years or so”
“Well it’s no good to me then, is it? It’s an oldspaper. Unless they make old newspapers into gold in the future, its useless”
Lyn hadn’t the heart to tell him, having been to the future, that they do the very opposite in an effort to conserve.
Several hours, and three blinks later

‘Come on Harold, its bed time”
“Time, ha! That’s just what he wants you to think”
“It’s also what I want you to think. At least stop drinking and cleaning your rifle at the same time”
“I have to be prepared”
“Name any thing”
“I don’t think even know the first thing about time travel”
“Oh, is that so Lyn?”
He was straining his senses too hard to concentrate.
“Oh, look, typical. He’s got King Charles over”
“Well, I’m going over there to say hello, even if you won’t. I’ll be a good neighbour, I’ll be the hero, I’ll be the…the…help me out here”
“Its Charles VIII”
“Oh, stuff it then”


One Response to “The Time Traveller’s Neighbour”

  1. lukewarmpowwow July 13, 2010 at 3:37 pm #

    Well, what do you think? Hey, shut up! No one asked you!

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